The Advice from My Dad That Saved Us during my time as a Brand-New Father

"I believe I was just in survival mode for the first year."

Ex- Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey expected to cope with the difficulties of becoming a dad.

Yet the actual experience soon proved to be "completely different" to what he'd imagined.

Life-threatening health complications during the birth caused his partner Louise being hospitalised. Suddenly he was forced into acting as her primary caregiver in addition to looking after their infant son Leo.

"I took on each nighttime feed, every change… each outing. The job of both mum and dad," Ryan stated.

After nearly a year he reached burnout. It was a chat with his parent, on a bench in the park, that made him realise he needed help.

The straightforward statement "You're not in a good place. You need assistance. What can I do to assist you?" paved the way for Ryan to speak honestly, look for assistance and find a way back.

His experience is far from unique, but seldom highlighted. While society is now better used to addressing the strain on mums and about PND, not enough is spoken about the challenges dads encounter.

'It's not weak to ask for help

Ryan feels his difficulties are linked to a larger failure to talk amongst men, who still internalise negative ideas of masculinity.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the rock that just gets smashed and stays upright with each wave."

"It's not a show of weakness to seek help. I failed to do that fast enough," he explains.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher focusing on mental health pre and post childbirth, says men can be reluctant to admit they're struggling.

They can think they are "not justified to be seeking help" - most notably in preference to a mum and baby - but she emphasises their mental health is just as important to the unit.

Ryan's conversation with his dad provided him with the chance to request a respite - taking a couple of days away, separate from the home environment, to gain perspective.

He understood he had to make a adjustment to focus on his and his partner's feelings alongside the logistical chores of looking after a newborn.

When he shared with Louise, he realised he'd failed to notice "what she needed" -holding her hand and listening to her.

Self-parenting

That insight has changed how Ryan sees being a dad.

He's now composing Leo regular notes about his experiences as a dad, which he hopes his son will read as he gets older.

Ryan hopes these will enable his son better understand the expression of feelings and make sense of his approach to fatherhood.

The notion of "self-parenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen was without consistent male guidance. Even with having an "amazing" relationship with his dad, profound difficult experiences resulted in his father had difficulty managing and was "present intermittently" of his life, complicating their relationship.

Stephen says suppressing feelings caused him to make "poor choices" when he was younger to alter how he was feeling, finding solace in alcohol and substances as escapism from the anguish.

"You find your way to things that don't help," he says. "They can temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will ultimately make things worse."

Tips for Getting By as a First-Time Parent

• Open up to someone - when you are swamped, confide in a family member, your partner or a professional about your state of mind. It can help to ease the pressure and make you feel more supported.
• Remember your hobbies - continue with the pursuits that made you feel like you before having a baby. Examples include exercising, meeting up with mates or playing video games.
• Don't ignore the physical stuff - nutritious food, staying active and if you can, resting, all are important in how your emotional health is faring.
• Spend time with other new dads - listening to their journeys, the challenges, as well as the joys, can help to normalise how you're experiencing things.
• Understand that requesting help isn't failing - prioritising you is the best way you can support your loved ones.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen naturally found it hard to accept the loss, having not spoken to him for many years.

As a dad now, Stephen's committed not to "repeat the pattern" with his boy and instead provide the safety and emotional guidance he missed out on.

When his son starts to have a outburst, for example, they do "shaking it out" together - processing the feelings constructively.

Each of Ryan and Stephen state they have become improved and more well-rounded men due to the fact that they faced their struggles, altered how they talk, and taught themselves to manage themselves for their children.

"I am now more capable of… dealing with things and dealing with things," explains Stephen.

"I wrote that in a note to Leo the other week," Ryan says. "I expressed, at times I think my role is to teach and advise you what to do, but actually, it's a exchange. I am discovering an equal amount as you are in this journey."