🔗 Share this article

We've been close companions for over two decades, a person who's faced and conquered numerous hardships, which I admire. However, she's constantly caught off guard by others. Her husband left her, and it was a huge shock. Many of her friends vanished then, as they were focused solely on him. She was stunned by her. She put in greater energy toward our bond, likely understood better the meaning of companionship.

Ongoing Issues With Friends Drifting Away

In the time since, quite a few close to her have drifted apart without her being knowing the cause. Her last employer suddenly changed toward her, despite the fact that she was an excellent employee, and she left unaware of why things shifted.

Current Dynamics

Lately, we've both stepped back from work leading to more time together, yet I realize my position in our friendship is as the audience. I open topics of conversation and she changes conversation onto what interests her. Regarding political views, she holds unyielding views. My effort is to suggest double-checking information and alternate views.

She has been organizing a vacation to a country I know well many times and lived in for a while. I tried to share insights, however, my input met with resistance. She essentially only wanted validation of her choices. I've just returned from a month in that country she hopes to meet, however, I hesitate.

Weighing the Options

I don't want to act as a friend that walks away without a word, but I don't think she will ever comprehend the effect of how she acts on how I feel about myself. Currently, I am in avoidance mode. What's the best step?

Possible Paths

One option is to end things abruptly, but it is not often a smooth outcome we imagine. But confrontation with a view to resolution requires bravery and readiness on both your parts.

Professional advice indicates applying a useful conflict resolution tool:

"The first step requires explaining how things go when you talk. It should be as factual as possible and essentially what a recording device would replay. Next involves sharing the way it leaves you feeling. There should be no argument on this point. What you feel are your feelings, of course. Step three is to ask ways you together will alter the interaction between you."

Remember she too has her own side, thus requiring you to stay open to hear that. A helpful technique is to say your friend:

"Now you talk and I'm going to remain silent for half an hour."

It's remarkably impactful in fostering mutual respect.

Final Thoughts

Your friend could ignore everything, for those who hold onto a deep-seated story: they maintain a story about themselves they won't abandon since their identity depends upon it being the only thing they trust. This poses a challenge because there's no easy route in such cases, only cul-de-sacs. But she may at first react like this before reflecting about what you've said. And should you don't achieve a resolution, it will give you peace that you've been honest with her.