Evening Personalities Lampoon Trump's Latest 'Gold Card' Residency Program

Television's top entertainers used their broadcast ridiculing ex-President Donald Trump's just unveiled immigration initiative, dubbed the "Trump card," characterizing it as a blatant pay-to-play arrangement for the affluent.

The Late Show's Pointed Take

Starting his broadcast, Stephen Colbert presented a mock Christmas tune directed at the president. "He's compiling a list, reviewing it twice, before handing that list to the agents at ICE," he crooned. "The President ... destroys all he touches."

The subject was the new program that permits overseas citizens to buy U.S. residence for a sum of one million dollars, or "platinum" option for 5 million. The program's page guarantees approval "in record time."

"A brief note here to affluent foreigners: before you pony up, what about Canada?" Colbert quipped.

He explained that the program is also designed to "extract cash" from companies wishing to hire skilled workers, involving large fees. "That is a lot of fees, though if you enroll, you also get free accommodation at a hotel of your selection – provided that it's the a specific Marriott," he said.

"The most thorough screening the U.S. government has ever done," stated Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to make sure these people absolutely meet the standard to be in America."

"That is important, you gotta prove you're suitable to be an American," Colbert said dryly. "Question one: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Blistering Commentary

On his own show, Jimmy Kimmel referred to the visa program the "Get Into America Express Card."

"It's a card that will allow affluent international individuals to live here," he said. "In exchange for a million dollars, you get legal visitor status, you get a pathway to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one major crime of your choosing."

"Perhaps it's time to change that poem on the Statue of Liberty – to hell with your poor masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he remarked.

Kimmel lampooned the simplicity of the form, observing it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He lamented that Trump "believes citizenship is something you can sell, like a steak."

"Indeed, the best people are the rich people," Kimmel joked. "That's what Jesus always said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you pay the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers on Economic Struggles

On another network, Seth Meyers turned to Trump's plunging approval ratings amid economic worries. "People gave Donald Trump a second term because they were mad about the economy," he said.

This week, in a effort to discuss cost of living, Trump conducted a press conference in front of a selection of grocery items, and behaved oddly to some cereal.

"Lovely packaging, I think I'm going to take some of them with me to my place and have a lot of fun," Trump remarked. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a while."

"He is so incredibly weird," Meyers responded. "Like, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What's the plan with those Cheerios?"

Meyers finished by mocking conservative news arguments of Trump's economic record. "Maybe instead of complaining, you should give him a sparkling trophy similar to what FIFA did," he remarked.